“Just a kiss. Just that” — Crystal said, while holding my hand, repeating the mantra one refusal after another. I had already told her about the girlfriend. I had already said I couldn’t do it. I had already tried to make it back into my apartment, and we were now standing in front of my door.

I sighed deeply, got close to her and kissed her forehead. I then turned around and went into my apartment, closing the door behind me. She stood outside the door. Inside, I paced around like a gerbil on amphetamines and tried to relax by meditating aloud (“fuckfuckfuckfuck!! fuck!”) and making dents on the walls with my fist.

This may sound like bullshit, but I am perfectly certain that there was a time when I was a nice guy. When I took the road less traveled. When I not only knew what The Right Thing© was, but actually did it.

Prancing around in my diminutive apartment, with Crystal standing outside my door, I realized that that time had come and gone.

I opened the door.

I grabbed her by the waist.

I pulled her in.

This would be the time when I’d tell you that it wasn’t worth it. That as I lay in bed with her, snakes sprouted out of her ass and choked me in the guilt of my wrongdoing. That images of my innocent girlfriend flashed before my eyes and I burst into tears, unable to achieve an erection. That the police tumbled down my door and handcuffed me before I made a move.

But that’s not what happened.

I won’t go into details, but I will say that the sex was great. At least from my end. Early on, when she flawlessly installed my contraceptive using only her teeth, I realized I was in for a learning experience. Being rather callow at the time, I’m pretty sure that most of the enjoyment of that evening stayed on my side, but we both had fun.

I never got caught.

That was not the first time I cheated on Diana. I wish I could say it was the last one. For what it’s worth, she was cheating on me too, but that in itself changes nothing. It just means that we were both being assholes to each other, and doing a great job of it.

I never had sex with Crystal again. I never cheated on another girlfriend, either.

— sergio on January 10, 2005