In women matters, I suffer from bad judgement. No, make that dangerous lack of acumen. Actually… it’s more like a hideous, consummate disregard for common sense.

I tend to hook up with deranged women. I’m not just being facetious here, either. Two of my ex girlfriends have done long stretches in mental care institutions (for reasons unrelated to my involvement with them — mostly). Another one turned out to have a brain tumor (ok, that one I had nothing to do with, and she’s ok now).

Anyway, the point is: When it comes to choosing a stable partner for romantic relationships, I suck. Badly. A random number generator hooked up to the census database could do a far better job than I have so far, and that’s without even removing the males from the data.

Which is why I joined an online dating service (yes, I have become one of those people).

In my inexhaustible wisdom, I decided that if I met women completely ouside my social circle, women whom I had had absolutely no dealings with prior to the act of asking them out, only good things could come out of it.

You may be aware by now of the fact that I am an idiot, but surprisingly enough, the results have been mixed, and so far I’ve only hit a few snags in the whole endeavour, which I will write about soon. For the time being, here is my profile (translated to English), as available in match.com:

General:

I am fun and functional. A historical, perhaps mythological figure. My boring days inspire epic poems in dead languages and whole tribes erect monuments in my honor.

I possess a multitude of national and international awards. I can rip phonebooks in half with my bare hands. When not busy achieving World Peace, I help children and small dogs.

My fortune is vast and unmeasurable. Bill Gates asks me for loans and the IMF issues bonds on my name.

I am on sale. Just for today.

Appearance:

I’m the mexican version of Quentin Tarantino.

Looking for:

I like women who are intelligent, independent and have a good sense of humor. Being creative and having an even number of limbs a plus.

— sergio on December 19, 2004