Rants and Articles.
Phone call II
She messaged me again. To let me know that she was busy that weekend (surprise, surprise), and that a new Nick Cave album was out (she hates him, but she knows I light scented candles in the man’s honor).
I didn’t answer the message.
Monday. She calls (yes, an actual call this time). Wants to know why I didn’t answer the message (this is pretty much standard fare with her), and set up a day for us to meet, so she can give me the CD. I’m pretty much starting to hate Norah Jones by this point, but we agree on Wednesday.
Tuesday. She calls again, to say that she’ll be late but does not know by how much, so I gallantly tell her to pick me up at home instead of me going to pick her up. She agrees.
Cue Wednesday (i.e. today). An hour before I leave work, she calls yet again. She can’t make it.
— “you’ll see, what happens is…”
And with that, she launches into a gordian knot of an excuse which is so multilayered, so mind-numbingly complex, that it would make an excellent plot for a subnormal south american soap opera with dismally low production values. I don’t recall the specifics, but I believe a halibut, flying flowerpots and a loofah played key roles in it at one point or another.
Needless to say, I’m a bit peeved by now.
— “I see.”
— “So, I’m really really sorry, can we leave it for another day?”
We can fucking well leave it for another day. In fact, I think it’s even in the Bible somewhere… Has to do with air conditioning being installed in Hell…
And here is where I let down all the male readers who are expecting a swift and vigorous sendoff:
— “Yeah.”
You see, the thing is: guys like me… We don’t tell a girl to fuck off. It’s right up there with “fucking livestock” in the list of things you just don’t do. It’s how we’re raised, I guess.
Now, uploading the whole conversation to the interweb for the amusement of dozens of strangers the world over, that’s a whole other ballpark. I’m pretty sure motherly advice never covered that one.
I think at this point I must clarify that this was no sawed-off, puny “Yeah”. It was a true beast, made out of hate and ill will. It was a “Yeah” crafted in the very bottommost pit of hell out of knife sized chunks of umbrage and rancor. I fucking scared myself with that “Yeah”. As much as one can project such elaborate layers of meaning through one’s voice, it kind of went through with the desired intent, too:
— “Umm, you’re not angry, are you?”
Whatever gave you that crazy idea?
— “No.”
— “Oh, you’re angry, I can tell”
Someone give the girl a prize! Sherlock-fucking-Holmes was never this keen!
— “Mmhh”
— “Please, don’t get angry, tell me you’re not angry”
— “I. Am. Not. Angry.” — ‘Cause, you know… I’ve always found that talking like William Shatner really gets the point across.
— “Umm… ok… so, can we leave it for another day?”
— “Yeah.” — You remember that “Yeah” up there? This one is his older brother. The mean one.
— “Are you available tomorrow?”
— “No.”
— “Umm… ooo-k… I’ll call you, then.”
— “Yeah.”
— “Uh… Bye.”
— “Bye.”
*click*
I don’t think she’ll call again.
— sergio on November 17, 2004 
Comments
Gordian Knot? We getting all Greek now? You only have three options left: Suicide, Murder or Incest.
And to mix metaphors and extend the greek theme: The Gordian Knot tied an Ox Cart to a Post. In this version of the story, Sophia (who btw created the Demiurge “as a result of trying to emanate on her own, without her male counterpart”) ties the knot. The cart is obvous. All i want to know is: who is the Ox here?
Now seriously, she will call again or leave a cute note on your car. She will not be able to live with the tought of you being angry at her. You know, she IS good. And perfect. And infallible.
REHEARSE
And you will get over that prejudice against hitting women. ¿Do you still have the bite marks?
Sergio…. mmmm..
HOME RUN!
It seems like she wants you to know that she’s nice, just that she’s too caught up to do any of the, you know, things normally done by a nice person. But she’ll definately be nice at some later point. Honest.
Unless, of course, she’s busy.
Good going! Let her find someone else to wrap around little dramas.
Tell her that she can leave the CD in your house when she has time!. Fantastic post!. I was laughing while I read it. Take care Sergio
hahaha, next time she calls, tell her you´re busy.
“But she’ll definately be nice at some later point. Honest.
Unless, of course, she’s busy.”
good one!
For the sake of your mental health, I hope she doesn’t.
For the sake of us readers, and our amusement… Hmmm… Maybe she should call!… He he he.
Not really… I like the ” It’s how we’re raised, I guess.” Damn… So freaking true… Why can’t we be a bit more like good ol tucker max?. Ha!.
I told you she would call again. And she’s up to her same old tricks, knowing full well she has influence over your emotions. I hate that.
I know you may still care for her and are too polite to give her the middle finger. However, I strongly advise against entertaining any more of her B.S. When she calls or sends a message again (because she will) just tell her you have bought another copy of Norah Jones and she can keep the CD as a token of your friendship.
If it was me… the next time she call (they allways call a third time) i will forget everything my mother taught me.
Damn! i’ve seen this movie before.
Spoiler: You will never see that CD again. period.
“It’s how we’re raised, I guess”
Yeah, I’m one of those, too. Damn our mothers and their insistance on good manners!! >_
ignore her, what other way than to piss off a girl than ignoring her! telling her off and getting mad doesnt work!
Bible reference priceless.
All Hail Sergio - Master of the Evil *YEAH*… If you gave her a little insecurity or doubt - (which I doubt because I’ve been there) Congratulations! If not… Oh well you can try again when she calls back… there is a good 80% chance she will. Keep your head up.
What’s her email, I need to send her this URL and end this once and for all
Ha ha ha. I support Gustavo.
Hahah! Thanks for the comments. Bianca: Awesome!
Regarding a hypothetical next call, or entertaining her antics: The thing is, I haven’t called her. This stuff is all her doing. She called me, set up a date, then called me again to cancel the date she herself set up. It’s an unfathomable mystery, I shit you not.
Sal: Very interesting theories on the gordian knot. I shall practice, indeed. I actually didn’t think Sofia was all that weird, but this whole thing is so random that I’m starting to freak out a bit.
When I wrote the first of these, I was a bit worried that she may read it, but after this I kind of hope she reads both posts, actually. If anything, because I’d like an explanation. I find this stuff *too* irrational. And weird.
Gustavo, I like the way you think! je je je.
Sergio, don’t expect to ever find out. I wasted a few months once trying to find an answer and/or a reason and got nothing.
The only thing that I could come up with is that some people think they’re the center of the universe. They expect you to do their every bidding…Better to get out of the mess before it starts to get ugly.
Sergio…. I mourn for you, but I’d like to believe that there’s hope.
Without being chouvinistic (or machista) women and men are ‘programmed’ to act in certain ways (read “The Red Queen : Sex and the Evolution of Human Nature” and “The Selfish Gene”). Those behavioral patterns are modeled by culture and the social environment.
Soooo… the point is: don’t expect to find logic in women’s behavior, instead try to understand what lies beneath that behavior: the ‘programming’ and what makes them ‘tick’.
Some girls (Sofia seems to be one of them) enjoy looking for the “man’s breaking point”, that is, how much they can push a man to get what they want out of them without you blocking the way.
Also they enjoy having a list of guys that praise them and would do anything for them (see previous paragraph).
And is not because they’re mean… they just are! (It’s like getting angry with men because we have an erection when watching a hot naked girl. We’re just wired like that -well most of us, don’t want to discriminate the gay community ;)-)
You may argue that both events are on a different level, but you got my point right?
And probably the most important things you have to convince yourself about:
1. Women are not made of crystal. They don’t break. Yes, they may cry more often than we do, but the world won’t end because of it. So don’t try to be ‘nice’ with them, just be yourself (yes, the cliché). If one of your friends were doing what this girl is doing, what your reaction would be? Answer that.
2. There are lots of girls out there. Don’t think you’re doomed because one let you down. If this one didn’t work, try the next one, until you find the right one ;)
Next time she calls, just play it cool, indiferent, like if you’re talking to somebody that wouldn’t make a difference if he/she was dead or alive.
Or if you can’t manage that, just put down the phone, do something else for 15 seconds (like scratch your nose :P) and then pick it up again and say: Sofia, I have to go, sorry! and hangup.
Next time she calls she’ll ask:
- What happened? R U ok?
- What happened when?
- The other day, you had to go
- A nothing important. What’s up?
- Tell me
- What?
- What happened?
- I told you: nothing. Look you called because of the CD right? I told [insert danish or some other girl’s name she knows here] that I would like to listen the Norah Jones CD with her because it’s very romantic but that a friend had it and that there was no hope of having it back soon so the next day she gave me the same CD as a present. So don’t worry anymore about it ok?
…
Use your imagination.
All this things work nicely with this kind of girl so, use it man!
PS: I like your writing style. Do you write as good as that in spanish?
So you did not think Sofia was all that wierd? I did not think light was all that fast.
After conferring with several local experts (from the GDWATF*), the following conclusion was reached:
She perceives you as a ‘good enough’ mate, but not the best she could get given her self-image. She may be tring to find a better mate, but she does not want to lose you as a fall back option.
Her strategy is to get a permament foothold on your top-10 potential mates list by keeping you interested, keeping you away from other girls, and presenting herself as a desirable mate.
Her tactic so far has been setting up dates just to break them later. This way she keeps you interested, keeps you from getting dates on the days she chooses (like you would ever get a date on your own, you /.ter), and keeps you disturbed enough that you don’t think clearly.
The other part of her tactic is presenting herself as a GOOD, INTELLIGENT, NICE person, and some other qualities she found out you are after.
This she may be doing on purpose or on autopilot.
Now, some options the GDWATF has come up for you are:
1: If you want ot stay in the game and have some fun, up the stakes. If she want’s to stay on your top ten list, make it incrementally hard. If you do it in one big step, she may opt out. Incrementally, you could start by getting apologies, and you may end with her doing your laundry, cooking and setting up threesomes for you, among other things.
2: If you want out, you could try to damage her self image, let her know she is not good and nice, let her know you are not ineterested, but then she may try even harder. It is easier to let her know that you are not good for her. You know, next time she calls you tell her something like ‘Excuse me if I sound funny, but I got so stoned, I had to snort some coke, but then I got so horny that I have spent the last 4 hours downloading porn and photoshoping your head in. Man, if you had DD boobs i’d be fucking your brains out your ears right now. Would you care for a cup of coffee while we listen to Norah Jones here in my bedroom? Do you have any redhead friends? Hello?….
Sofia?….’
*GDWATF (Graphic Design Work Avoidance Task Force)
Best. Comment. Ever. \m/
So what will it be, 1 or 2?
Hats off for the GDWATF.
Whatever happened to reality shows :D
Tell her to go and POKE SOME TREES!
conclusion:
this might be one of the funniest blurbs i have read in a long time… and i dont laugh which could be considered laughable for some… ‘straight face’
i employ the following rule when working with degenerates; if you don’t kick them in the crotch (rochambeau - yes, a southpark reference), they will deliver the worst case scenario.
although adapting to the “fuck it” or as i like to call it “better to be pissed off than pissed on” attitude is not particularly useful in obtaining happiness, it does have it’s benefits.
other cardinal rules:
just remember that there IS a place for “stupid” people. without them, we all would be out on the street asking for change. so i salute stupid people.
i am a firm believer in ‘what goes around comes around’, and she will get hers. i expect a report back when she gets hers. i recommend reading the ‘Blind Owl.’ it is therapeutic for the mind.
on a side note:
Mishka’s comment,
“ignore her, what other way than to piss off a girl than ignoring her! telling her off and getting mad doesnt work!”
Mishka, this is not personal so don’t take it that way. generalizing, men like to punish with vengeance. verbally abusing, and then ignoring is much more satisfying.
if i have not offended you, i apologize. FUCKITY FUCK FUCK FUCK. there, that will do it.
Do you think “being too busy” is the curse of all 21st century relationships? It certainly messes up mine.
nah, not offended, gotta try much harder than that!
I think most people here have an abnormally high offense threshold… I mean, we’re here, right?
Hi Sergio,
it is some kind of very funny.
In Austria we say sometimes, when something will never come true.
“Wenn die Woche drei Freitag hat…”
what means:
If the week gets 3 friday, we…
$0.02
Rene
Dude you seem like a very nice person, loved by your readers. I hate to pull you down but loving someone who gives no shit about you will take you nowhere man! I’m sure there’s lots of other hot girls out there who’d check you out.. hehe! And what happened to that Danish chick? If you don’t want her hook me up! *lmfao*
shock effect: that was a great comment
well but at least the psot its nice :D
i think a pic of her would really help
i mean
i have this girl on my mind
very interesting reading
anyway sergio, just wait and be there
thats the onlyway u can reach something