Rants and Articles.
Tree Poking Girl
There are a myriad mysteries in the universe that we may never uncover. “Why are we here?” “Is there a God?” “Who is the fat naked lady we awoke next to in that seedy motel last Saturday?” (What? Like it’s never happened to you). However, there is one particular mystery that has been driving me insane for a week now. The mere utterance of the words brings a dread to my soul the likes of which I have never experienced, such is the depth of the illness it’s spreading through my psyche:
Tree poking girl.
Here’s what happened: Lately, I’ve taken a liking to carrying out a daily evening stroll. Since I spend about 14 hours a day sitting in front of a monitor (first at work, then at home), this is the only way to keep myself from mummifying. Now, one week ago, as I walked, I saw a girl standing next to a tree by the road, poking it with a fallen branch. Just that. Poking it. She seemed quite entertained by it.
I stared at her and she stared at me and I walked by, and by the time I reached the next block I decided that I just had to know what the hell she was doing (you may be aware by now, that I am not obsessive or cling to things like a monomaniacal lamprey… at all). As you may have successfully guessed already, when I retraced my steps, she was nowhere to be seen.
I have been coming back to that spot every day since, and I have yet to run into Tree Poking Girl again. This thing is eating me inside with a passion. Now, when I came back, she was gone but the tree was still there, so it’s a safe bet that she was not trying to bring it down or make it disappear by any sort of magical or ethereal means (Or, if she was, she wasn’t doing a very good job of it).
In my endless search for enlightenment, I discussed this matter of utmost importance with Kitta (Unfathomable fountain of wisdom that she is) and she suggested that Tree Poking Girl was perhaps engaging in some weird form of tree raping, and that she had moved on to another tree by the time I came back. It is a theory that has a certain sense to it, I’ll be first to admit. It also presents horrifying implications:
If the branch she was using was from the tree itself, would that mean that she was performing some sick, twisted sort of sadomasochistic self flagellating/mutilating ritual on that tree? Was she part of some secret society that graduated from tree-hugging to tree-raping millennia ago? The world needs to know!
Any theories?
— sergio on November 09, 2004 
Comments
- Sigh -
Damn Sergio. She was our chance!!… OUR CHANCE!!!… How couldn’t you see it at the moment?. Well, I am surprised your stroll gave you the mental state needed to notice her… We are such fools.
She was of course opening a door… She was of course, part of Guadalajara below…
I like hectors theory…either that or right now she is laughing her head off thinking man, that guy must have thought i was completly mental and is now going crazy trying to figure out what i was doing…i know i would do something like that.
…being…reading…too…much…HP Lovecraft….can’t comment.
Such ominous reading. I undestand. Sleep the slumber of the elders.
Dude, I never thought of that! Dammit, if she was from Guadalajara Below and I missed the chance, I’ll kill something!
Guadalajara Below? What is that? (hey, i haven’t lived in GDL in over 10 years!)
I’d say she was looking for insects to feed her woodpecker pet with…or trying to figure out if the trees were maple trees? (ok, that would only be believable in the US and Canada)
I’m buzzed, i’m allowed wacky ideas.
Don’t you just enjoy poking at trees?… It’s relaxing… like watching ants….
On your next stroll you should stop on the tree, grab a stick and poke it… just feel it and let it take control over you…
Maybe you will become the “Tree poking boy” for someone else… and the chain will go on…
disturbing thoughts come to mind. Must reboot brain.
Luna: That’s a reference to Neil Gaiman’s excellent “Neverwhere”, which, if you haven’t already, you owe yourself the duty of reading.
Sergio: I shall become compliant and buy the book this weekend…and now i’m more curious to know *Maybe i’ll just buy it this afternoon*
…And I suppose you couldn’t see if the branch -while hitting the tree perpendicularly- was facing up or down. This makes a world of difference to a guy that is sipping lemonade right now in Australia
Yes Luna!!… Go get it today, and I bet you will join our effort about finding those doors… Well, we would talk about that once you are done reading it!.
Hector, which doors? you left me even more curious. I’ll have to brave the cold for sure to go all the way to Barns&Noble!! (Yes, the whole 3 blocks!)
No, Hector, dont ruin it for everyone else, i want to know too but dont spoil it!!!!!…sorry luna :)
He he he… Don’t worry, no spoilers there. And since I hate spoilers I shall say no more whatsoever. Either way, GO GET IT!… NOW!.. EVERYONE!… Ok?… Please?.
I mean, look at what I wrote about it?. Doesn’t it make you want to read it?
Ok, you two convinced me. It’s in my hands. If i’m not too tired i’ll start reading tonight.
I have this sudden urge to go to Barnes and Noble now . . .
Ok, I started to read. I’m barely in page 17. Amazing, by page 12 I already didn’t like one of the characters.
I hope you’re not talking about Richard, ‘cause he fucking rocks!
No, i’m talking about Jessica…she’s a control freak! I kinda dislike people like that (didn’t want to write hate, such a strong word!)
Oh, her you can hate. We all do.
I’m just amazed that I hated her so…fast…i think it was two pages after she got introduced? I like the book so far :-)
Keep on reading. It gets much weirder, and good. Beware though, it may cause you to stay awake some night once you get to the “point of no return”.
And when is that?? never mind. Don’t tell me.
Kitta (the unfathomable fountain of wisdom) charges $1 per minute of advice and accepts all major credit cards.
Guadalajara below:
Periferico Norte to Periferico Sur through Juarez. Juarez to Tetlan.
The buried Puente de las Novias.
The now a sewer Rio San Juan de Dios.
The Old underground aqueducts (rediscovered in 1999).
AND THE UNDERGROUND RIVER THAT SURFACES 5 BLOCKS south of Sergio’s home, in the small sunken park (just in front of El Güero Palma’s safe house) and by the Sunken Temple of the Adoration of the Tortured Bleeding Jew. Said river connects to the Colomos river, which connect to the aqueducts, which in turn connects with all of the above.
SERGIO, go kill something now.
Just don’t do it in a 5 block radius of federalismo esquina con periferico norte…
Oh, I see. Looks like you misspelled “tree porking.”
she might have been a new tree breed.
Is that a new fetish? How old was this gal?
That is pretty creepy. Maybe she is some kind of tree-poking ghost girl? Maybe she was taking the tree’s life force or something? ::shrugs shoulders::