Rants and Articles.
She's gone.
Like most relationships, ours started off great. We both did our part, we both gave a little and we both felt fullfilled and satisfied.
Except that’s not entirely true.
On hindsight, I have to admit that I was the one doing all the taking. She just gave. Never asked for much in return, actually. I guess that’s why this outcome doesn’t come off as much of a surprise to me.
I don’t mean to brag, or be downright pornographic about this, but back then it used to take only the slightest push to get her juices flowing. It would seem that only a look was enough, and bam!, she’s there!
Then she started losing weight. Fast.
I think the sharing did it. This may be the wrong time to voice my regrets, but maybe —just maybe— I shouldn’t have given her so freely, so… candidly, to my coworkers.
Predictably, she got ever thinner, and less sensitive. I think —and I’m not proud of this— that it was then when the name calling started. I have to admit now that, even though it accomplished nothing at all, it made me feel better, I was so mad.
Today, I have finally used her up. She’s completely spent. I even tried jamming a fork’s tooth in there to see if I could get some, but it was a lost cause.
Because when it comes right down to it, it doesn’t matter how much you try to fool yourself, or squeeze it just a bit more. Sometimes you just have to face the fact that the motherfucking toothpaste is empty.
And I need to brush my teeth.
Damn.
— sergio on June 28, 2004 
Comments
dude, that’s disturbing.
For a moment I thought you were talking about you-know-who… but when I read the line “I shouldn’t have given her so freely, so… candidly, to my coworkers.” I realized it was something else… though there is some truth in that statement also… *ouch*
haha that had me laughing out loud… great work sergio!
Oh my goodness. I thought that there would never be a place where I could, completely honestly, use the phrase ROFL…but you did it.
Like Kether, I thought you were talking about someone else when you were writing this, but damnit, that’s just disturbingly entertainingly disturbing.
You deserve a Gmail invite.
Hahaha! You had me thinking it was something serious for a couple of paragraphs there.
The Google ads are hilarious in their own right. Who buys their toothpaste, no sorry, their bleaching system, on the internet?
Hmm, but what I don’t get is why you share your toothpaste with your coworkers? This brings up all kinds of disturbing mental images, actually. Makes one wonder what kind of work it is that you do, really, as many people have been deabting for quite some time now. But I don’t think we would want to know, no.
Jajajajaja.
Very nice rant!.
:)
I thought you were talking about you-know-who too.
Even when I got to the “…so… candidly, to my coworkers…” part I thought:
“WHAT!! WHO! WHEN!….fucking pervert…I was your coworker and I never…ehh Sebastian NO SIR, how could you?….” but then I realized it was something else. *relief*
He he.
Elroy, Kether and X-Wes, I bet he was talking about you-know-who. Except it was not a fork’s tooth, right Sergio?
She writes her Step 5 book, you set up Overcaffeinated and wait all this years to get back to her… genius Sergio, you are truly evil.
Did you try cutting her open and licking her insides?
Well put.
uuuhh Kitta that is dirty……nice.
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm….
Kitta you have a lot of nice ideas, and mmmjjjhhh you are so beautiful! (I am saying this with a lot of respect).
Kitta, I’m speechless. That sounds *so* dirty! You one-upped me there. Kudos!
Yeah kitta that’s foul! lol…
Also, is it just me or do I look the guy, (spiky haired freak) in the “speeding” comic lol…
I laughed my ass off… Can’t believe I never came by here before!
Light seen, Job done, end of…
My life is complete now that I have one-upped Sergio. :)
Sergio just informed me that he has new toothpaste, so lets all hope she puts out more then the last one.
At this rate, I’ll have to make a new section just to highlight your dirty comments, woman.
Bravo!
Ew…
I vote in favor of giving dirty comments a special background color.
Maybe brown? Or pink?
These were just random suggestions, I really don’t know…
Very nice thing there buuuut….. where the hell is your god-be-damned, assinine-but-still-funny comic HUH!? Do you even have a storyline for it anymore? Have you stoped writing it? Where is it!?!?!?
You share your toothpaste with your co-workers?
You guys make it sound like it’s a kinky thing or something. It’s just that the IBM campus is way far from the city, so we spend the whole day in here (there’s a big cafeteria where we all eat, there’s close to 600 developers alone, without counting the people who work on the manufacturing part of the plant). So sometimes when one of us runs out of toothpaste he/she asks someone else for some of it.
Our work environment closely resembles that of Dilbert or Office Space. Which may not be a good thing at all =)
Still… you share your toothpaste with your coworkers….
Pervert!
Hahaha cool rant.
What brand of toothpaste was anyway?
You know, I have this obsession with teeth… I brush mine like 5 times a day… I keep them fresh and clean, oh yeah.
Have you seen any caffeinated toothpaste? That would be sooooo good!
IBM really is starting to sound like a cult, you all eat together, share toothpaste and they secretly brainwash you into thinking you’re working on IBM products, when really you’re building a mother ship.
Run, run while you still can!
Look Sergio, Kitta thinks the same, leave that f***… (funny?) company ASAP, they brainwash you, you are in the middle of the tar pit, if you spend more time there your future will be like Hagen’s future.
Join us at HAL, this is a better place, if you join us your future will be like Vladimir’s or Elroy’s future.
And remember at HAL We never stand still….
JajAjaJA-JajAjaJA-JajAjaJA-JajAjaJA : )
Kitta is almost right….
They brainwash you into thinking you work for IBM when in fact YOU ARE NOT!!!
Fu!”$ing VENDOR SOB!!!
Kitta- ThinkGeek has caffeinated soap… toothpaste? You could probably make some… crush up caffeine pills and mix ‘em in with the toothpaste… yum. great way to wake up :P
Mmm, caffeine paste. ;)
Wow, this is crazy….see I always thought the developers at IBM were lacking the human funny bone…er any human bone for that fact :-P … hehe jk… being one of the ID team, nice work man!
well there’s not such caffeine paste, but what do you think about caffeine Hot sauce?…check this out!.. hehehe!…
I was thinking in a “Torta Ahogada” with this sauce!…=)
hahaah that’s great… kept me on the edge till the end… :)
Instant. Fucking. Classic.
lol, that’s quite amazing, dude. haha! and the google ads to match!