Rants and Articles.
More Gmail invites
Comments
“He who writes upon these walls, makes his shit in little balls. He who reads these words of wit, eats those little balls of shit.” -GMAIL invite please!
Xander: Fuck, I loved that! Loved it to pieces I tell you!!! Gmail invite on the way!
Hello, Sergio… have you visited this site:
http://www.gmailswap.com/ ? it has the coolest exchange list—- and it’s been provided to you here for only 1 (one) gmail invite. the price i’ve paid in productivity, billable to your link list is included. +
“Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis.”
“I can’t stand cheap people. It makes me real mad when someone says something like, “Hey, when are you going to pay me that $100 you owe me?” or “Do you have that $50 you borrowed?” Man, quit being so cheap!”
“I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they’d never expect it.”
That Gmail invite would sound good right about now…
And so another invite is dropped in someone’s general direction…
.aixelsyd ym eruc ot yaw elbissop ylno eht eb thgim ti .won tuoba tops eht tih yllaer dluow tnuocca liamg a
And the winner is……
Brandon.
Congratulations!
And with that, the sound of another invite being sent was heard.
You people are smoking today!
Not so much random, as pure rant-age. But then nonsense posted intentionally cannot in itself be random, as it is posted intentionally, so that the most random of intentional posts should theoretically be one intended not to be random. See? No? Okay.
So I get this huge stinging welt on my right arm, overnight. Aside from the initial itchy pain of an allergic reaction, my entire arm’s fatigued, and it feels like I just did some massive heavy lifting with only one arm. Left arm’s fine. I figure that hey, this is probably not a good thing, so I wait for a few hours (to see if it goes away) and visit the doctor. Keen enough. I finally get admitted, after quite a while of waiting. I tell the doctor that I figure it’s either some mildly poisonous spider bite, a bad allergic reaction to a regular spider bite, or some disgusting contagious infection. He examines my arm, and writes notes, and pokes it until I make him stop because it hurts, and then he leaves to go “reference” something. I wait for about twenty mintues in the little room, and he comes back, and informs me:
“Well, we’ve determined that it’s possibly a reaction to a slightly poisonous spider bite, or else a reaction to a regular spider bite.” I’m mildly freaked, but appearently this is A-OK. I’m just glad that I know what’s going on. But then he continues, “Of course, there’s also a good possibility that you’ve been infected with something, possibly contagious.” He nods solemnly, and suggests that I stay indoors and avoid direct physical contact for a day or so.
To recap: I have spent three hours and twenty dollars paying a Highly Trained Medical Professional to repeat—closely if not verbatim—my initial query about what the heck this welt is. As this ‘information’ obviously gave me very little advantage over my original state, I’m forced to wonder if he’s charging $20 for solemn nods. I am sorely tempted to spoil this plan by snapping his Highly Trained little neck.
Note to self: bitching indiscriminantly into an empty message board really [i]does[/i] make self feel better. A Gmail invite would really ease my pain and suffering, though (and it might prevent me from describing any other bodily rashes I contract—yay bribery!)
And, um, yes. The last story’s mine. Because I’m all not-paying-attention-to-forms like that.
Ahhh… yeah… the not describing any more bodily rashes part? That earned an invite. I’m highly susceptible to bribery and blackmail, so there goes. You’ve got yourself an invite girl!
Found on a mountaintop:
“I wUz heRE furSt.”
-Noah
“No, I was here first, you illiterate fool.”
-God
“Graffiti artists suck”
“No, you suck.”
-Graffiti artiste extroardinaire
“I’m God, not you, ya bastard.”
-God
“God is dead”
-Nietzche
“Nietzsche is dead.”
-Boba
“I am God.”
-God
“God Lives!”
-Opus Dei
“Tell me if anyone knows where I can find AAAUUUGHHHH….”
-NameWithheld
“God hates us all.”
-Harold Stibbins
“No, God loves us all and answers our prayers.”
-Bush
“Why don’t y’all just fuck off n’ lemme be, huh?”
-God
Clown Joke:
Little Billy loved clowns.. borderline obsession really. He had clown bedsheets, clown wallpaper, clown undewear and toothbrushes. He ate on clown plates and drank out of clown glasses… you get the picture.
Despite all this idolizaztion, Billy has not once in his young life been to a circus or actually seen a clown. So when he turned 5 and his father offered to bring him to a circus, he was ecstatic.
So there they are, watching the show and eating cotton candy when all of a sudden a clown comes up to Billy and his father. He pats Billy on the head and has the following conversation out loud with his father:
“Excuse me sir, are you a donkey?
No clown, I am not a donkey.”
“Well, surely you must be a horse, are you a horse sir?”
“No clown, I am not a horse”
“Well you sure look like an ass to me!”
The crowd laughed, the clown laughed even Billy’s father, being a good sport, laughed.
Billy, however, was devastated. He adored clowns and had no idea how one could be so cruel!
Billy decided at that moment to find out why this could happen, Billy would devote his life to understanding the mind of a clown.
After school and college, where he got a PHD in psychology, he joined clown school, he read every book on clowns and traveled the world documenting the different behaviors of clowns.
Years later, he decides to bring his own son to a circus, and he and his son are approched by a clown. Again, the clown pats the child on the head and turns to Billy:
“Excuse me sir, are you a donkey?
“No clown, I am not a donkey.”
“Well, surely you must be a horse, are you a horse sir?”
“No clown, I am not a horse”
“Well you sure look like an ass to me!”
This is what Billy was waiting for… his years of study and hard work have prepared him for this moment. He had exactly what he needed to confront this clown and his cruel sense of humor.
BIlly stands up, a hush comes over the audience and all eyes turn on him.
“clown…”Billy says, his voice strong and determined, “Fuck you.”
Man, Morpheus, that’s some deep stuff. True. And it takes another invite.
Now the only invite left is Samantha’s. Keep posting stuff, and she will drop by and award the last invite (the coveted “Samantha invite”).
woooo now how does one go about obtaining this invite? or will it be emailed? go go gadget 1 gig mail.
It’s been emailed to your address, Morpheus. Fuck clowns!
fuck clowns indeed, and yeah I got it, I’m just an impatient bastard
More, please! My invite is trembling in anticipation of morrrre stories…
Several years back I was in a small theater show. Moments before the curtain call I sneezed and drained most of the contents of a nasty head cold into the palm of my right hand. When the curtain opened we all stepped out to bow. Trying to be gracious, I offered only my closed fist the the actress on my right for the cast bow. Trying to look professional she wrenched my grip open and heartily seized my sticky hand.
Who is this “Samantha” you speak of? o.O
Nate, it’s yours.
I’ve done something eerily similar ;)
Mail me and I’ll send it to you!
Sorry- my address is eneogei [at] gmail.com.
two Muslim extremists are sitting around their camp fire chatting. One pulls out his wallet and shows his friend some pictures.
“This is my first son. He’s a martyr. Oh, and here’s my second son - he’s a martyr, too.”
“*sigh* They blow up so fast, don’t they?”
noooooo!!! I’m too late! damn my tendancy to only read this site from work!
Holy crap! They’re freaking raining! I have 5 more invites! Whatever am I going to do with *that*??
Ok, I’ll start by sending one your way, reverendz3n. That joke was teh funny.
Sergio . . . I don’t know how to say this, but . . . but I love you man!!
Hey Sergio- Can I have 2?
There’s this chick who wants to make 50 pieces of origami for an invite, and I’ll send half to you!
Awesome!! Email me the addresses where I should send them Samantha!
Dude, I have 5 invites I would gladly give away in your site too.
Just keep posting. just so you know, I am half russian so my sense of humor is not as light as sergio’s ok?
I’ll do just that, give me a couple hours and then I can actually use my email (damn school filters…).
i like pie
so how exactly does one acquire invites pass out? Is google holding random drawings or something?
sexual favors, thats how
Okay guys, I have a couple jokes I’ll throw out for a GMAIL invite.
How do you know it’s time to go bed at Neverland Ranch?
.
.
When the big hand covers the little hand.
Why does Michael Jackson like twenty-six year olds?
.
.
Because twenty is better than one.
Thank you, thank you.
smitty: Why didn’t /I/ think of that?
I built a castle once, out of buffalo soldiers.
Beware the PooBotz. Italian bots made out of poo are unstoppable.
you’ve got to be willing to give a little, to get a little. :)
I beleive the more you use your account, the more invites you get. But, based on my limited experience, everytime you have to use it a lot more to get new invites… like gaining a level in D&D.
I already sent 2 out to people here. I still have one left. If you want it, squeal like a pig.
SQUEAL!!! SQUEAL!!!! SQUEAL!!!!
Can I please have it Salamastre?
squintychino1 at yahoo dot com
No, I believe it is “SQUEEEE!” “SQUEEEE!”.
Tell you what. Send a G_invite my way, and I’ll make whatever sound you want me to make…
;)
I like that attitude George, aggressive yet accesible.
One gmail invite for you………where should I send it to?
oasis_moderator@yahoo.com
Thanks Elroy!
Hey, what about me?
I squealed like a pig.
LIKE A PIG!!
Sorry John, it was Salamastre who promised a gmail invite upon a pig squeal not me.
Besides, seriously man squealing like a pig for one lousy gmail account? I mean come on….
(just kidding)
How about if I ee-aawww like a drunken donkey??? eeeeeeeawwwwwwwwwwwwwww sheeeeeit ..
You want drunken animals? Here’s a drunk pig:
“You thi…you think you’re better than me?” Squeeeee! *vomit*
“Come over here donkey…I’ll sho..show you how it’s done.” *vomit*
Well seeing how my Michael Jackson jokes went over like a lead balloon, here’s another:
Two guys are in a bar. One guys says to the other, “Man, I haven’t gotten laid in months. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong.”
His buddy says, “Have you called Sally? Sally will do anyone.”
So the guy gets Sally’s number and is ready to leave the bar and his friend grabs his shoulder, “Hey, one more thing. When you’re fooling around with her make sure to suck her tits. She lactates chocolate milk.”
“What?”
“I’m serious man. Suck on her fun bags and chocolate milk comes out. It’s great.”
So the guy calls Sally and they have a nice dinner and he takes to the bluff that over looks their town. They start fooling around and he takes off her shirt. He starts working her fun bags and sure enough, chocolate milk. He drinks and drinks, amazed.
“You know,” he finally says, “I heard about this but didn’t believe it. It’s really great.”
“What’s great?” she asks.
“These. This chocolate milk, it tastes great.”
“Chocolate milk? You call it chocolate milk? I call it breast cancer!”
Johns invite is on the mail.
if you’re *that* desperate and nobody here has any left, www.gmailswap.com has some if u provide a sob story or a funny joke to them :P
Screw you guys. I’m going home.
ARGHHH! I just got my first gmail spam!!!
When you give an invite, the person that receives it gets your gmail account, I gave one over at gmailswap, and it appears that my address somehow leaked to a spammer.
So two guys walk into a bar.
“Ow”
…
Oh, by the way, Serg; try reading over my comment over on the main-page Gmail article. (Search for the line “I have an interesting story, Sergio.”) If you look closely enough, you’ll see some recommendations for getting your Links page in working order again.
Gloogledorf went to Syxsylphlyffx to florsdhte at the woanfejalj’s pladaawfs.
i have some invites if anybody wants them…. email me (trampish (at) gmail (dot) com) if you do…
so when is gmail actually supposed to go public? any rumors?
Heres a site offering unlimited Gmail Invites for fifty cents each… Not too shabby!
One of my most vivid memories of my childhood occurred in China when I was naught but a young lad of eight summers. At that time, elementary school teachers were still associated with the images of tyrannical [sometimes semi-senile] despots. Needless to say, going to relieve oneself during class was frowned upon, and thus many students learned to hold it in and do so during recess.
The flaws of this technique became painfully obvious one chilly September morning.
There was a girl. Not a very bright girl. Some would say she was living proof that natural selection was overrated. Having consumed large quantities of oysters of questionable nature, she needed to go. Really badly. Yet, fearing the dreadful glare of our ill-tempered teacher, she held it in. Or tried to.
Smelling her fear, our teacher swooped down and harassed the student with embarrassing inquiry after embarrassing inquiry, finally deducing that she had, indeed, soiled herself.
With visible disgust on her face, our teacher told her to take care of it, and dismissed the class for recess. We assumed that she would “take care of it” in the washroom. We were wrong.
Seeing that the classroom was empty, she decided she would “take care of it” there. With lined paper. The kind that you write on. Not the most pleasant of textures, though I’ve never had the pleasure of trying it myself. To make matters worse, she tried to dispose of the papers by throwing them out the window. If only she had opened the windows wide enough…
Coming in from recess, we were greeted with the heavy smell of semi-digested oysters. Two of my friends lost their breakfast. Our teacher exploded.