Rants and Articles.
The perfect compile.
It somehow feels right; sitting here at work late into the night, long after lights-off. Having the whole place to myself provides an excellent opportunity to put on the headphones and indulge in energetic ghost Orchestra direction — which the guards on the other side of the security cameras most likely find a welcome respite from nasal exploration watch.
I finish the code, take a good, tentatively proud look at the subroutines and upload the whole thing. As I submit the program and keep hitting <enter> to refresh the screen, I wonder if this will be the magic one. The compiler coughs up, sputters and throws a veritable barrage of warnings and two or three severe errors. The perfect compile is still somewhere in the future. Lurking. Awaiting me. Mocking me.
As I recode — pausing momentarily to break into full-on Director mode or coordinate a particularly difficult tenor clef Solo by the cellist — I wonder if it will come tomorrow.
I start planning meetings and setting personal deadlines. The calendar sheepishly points out that it’s only five days to Valentine’s. Automatically, the mind slips into generic-ex-girlfriend mode (all of which have had trouble with her — the machine — at some point or another).
- “You can’t honestly be serious.”
- “Oh, but I am. Just imagine: No warnings. No errors. No weird return codes. Just the goods. Very very clean. And of course, it would run perfectly after that.”
- “So it’s… what? orgasmic?”
- “I think it would be more like very, very good foreplay.”
- “There’s no way in hell compiler output can be likened to sexual intercourse.”
- “Ahh… Then, honey, you’re not doing it right.”
— sergio on February 09, 2004 
Comments
hehehehe
I agree with that a clean of errors, warning-less compile at first try it’s just orgasmic.
There are a few other experiences at the level like when a fellow turned the corner into your sight making you react fast and making a clean headshot on the first shot, …aaw, that feels good… but sex before telling good morning or getting fully awake isn’t way reachable by anything with circuitry.
Okay, what about this:
You are coding all night long, and falling sleep. You have allready set the monitor on full contrast white over black text, but are still falling asleep. You hit COMPILE, and close your eyes just for a few seconds. What brings you back to conciousness is the *PING* sound of a pefect compile, and the realization that while you dozed off, your MOTAS silently crept between your legs and has been giving you some good old oral love for a few minutes now….
I’m still trying to figure out how to include the felling of soft-on-the-outside-still-hard-and-dry-at-the-very-center apple cinammon cherioos floating in just-a-frog’s-hair-cooler-than-body-temperature milk in my mouth.
Ahhh… Im so sick and twisted i’ll have to automedicate myself again.
Salamastre, that sounds… wow!
I think the only thing missing from that picture would be… uhmmm… can’t think of anything. The cheerios sound great though.
Name your fetish, award a prize to the geekiest, twistedest or whatever fetish.
I liked this rant… a LOT.
But… what if the code compiled but it isn’t entirely functional?
A compiled code hasn’t been enough satisfaction for me lately… Like the time when I was programming a distributed system with java rmi and it just didn’t f**ing work. I discovered the problem wasn’t the code, but the code-base url… Or the time when one of my dlls wasn’t thread-safe and all my threads had the same values for their variables…. Oh God!!! that was so frustrating.
So I think the orgasmic part is when your client aproves the system and pays for it or when your teacher gives you extra points for doing it perfectly.
BUT… that’s just me.
The best part is when it compiles AND works…
…the orgasmic part is when your client aproves the system and pays for it or when your teacher gives you extra points for doing it perfectly.
In my opinion, that is very satisfactory, but not orgasmic. To my taste, something orgasmic should come from a suden event causing adrenaline to flow mixed with a very satisfactory result.
If you go to a teacher or client with a good project in your hands, you kinda expect good results.
“To my taste, something orgasmic should come from a suden event causing adrenaline to flow mixed with a very satisfactory result.”
So… I guess every one experiment the orgasm in their own way.
Having -not just expecting- good results is orgasmic for me. Hehehehe…
Maybe I’m too sensitive… o_O
Though compiling code sounds intensely orgasmic… I think I’ll stick with sex… ;)
this takes “cyber-sex” to another level. lovely. someone could argue it is more like cyberotica. or meta-meta-sex-a-loge…