Back when I was a kid, I started learning The Rules of Human Interaction™. This is very much still a work in progress.

I was born with an insatiable curiosity, and would tear apart, reassemble and enhance every toy I ever had (in this respect, “Transformers” were the best toys ever, although my “enhancements” usually rendered them powerless to transform). I had a natural adeptness for reading, and would go through books at a rate only limited by the amount of money my parents were willing to invest in my obsessions (that would be about one book every three days or so). I was also a natural for school. School was easy.

But I never got people.

I am being quite literal here. Due to terminal lack of empathy, I actually had to draw a set of rules and keep adding to it whenever the occasion would merit. The process goes something like this:

1. Random person asks a question.
2. You listen, evaluate, and say the most logical thing that answers the question (alternately, you may also say exactly what you think about the issue)
3. Random person becomes sad / thoroughly pissed off / murderous / happy
4. Random person proceeds to bitchslap you / twist your nipples / hug you / cry
5. Depending on results from previous step, you add new rule to Social Interaction Set

When the same situation arises again, you have a rule ready that applies to it, and use it liberally.

Up until a few years ago, I thought this was quite normal, but at some point realized that not everyone has to do this.

I know I’m not alone in this field. At least one good friend of mine went through the same thing (I’m looking at you, Sal), and I met a lot of people like this at IBM (I think Engineering appeals to us as a career choice).

Although I wouldn’t go as far as calling it even a mild case of Asperger’s syndrome, (I was always functional, just not well-adjusted) the basic properties are all there. I recently read “The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time”, and there’s a very enlightening example of this in there. At one point, the protagonist (a semi-functional autistic kid) refers to this:

As “sad”. Then this:

As “happy”. When shown these:

He was unable to say what they meant.

Although I was never on that level, I definitely could relate to his experience. Growing up, there were lots of things I had to learn that people around me seemed to take for granted. On that note, I tend to reduce complex problems to basic sets of logical rules, one example of which is my theory on relationships:

1. Person A has a list of things she’s willing to live with, and a list of things she’s willing to change about herself.
2. Person B has same.
3. Relationships break up when either person finds, in the other person, something (s)he’s not willing to live with, that the other person can’t change.

Or, as stated in code:

This is awfully simplistic, and turning relationships into a semaphorization problem may be considered not kosher, but it usually works as a good model.

Connecting with one’s emotions, communicating needs and desires, developing a music taste, learning not to (unintentionally) “fuck up” friendships/relationships… These are all lengthy processes to the empathy-impaired individual. At one point you learn to “hack” your brain, to fix stuff you wish were there, and make it happen. This has informed my approach to all things in life.

What about you?

— sergio at 05:47 PM     Comments (33)

Richard Rutter has passed me the musical baton. This being the internet, I figure I should go along with it, or risk having my naughty bits chewed by a photocopier or one of those nasty fates that befall those who break these things. Ergo:

Total volume of music on my computer

4.3 Gb

The last CD I bought

Natalia Lafourcade y la forquetina’s “Natalia Lafourcade” (I know. I suck.) I have just been notified that my Bill Hicks order has arrived, though, so that’ll be the very next one (does that count as music?)

Song playing right now

Losing my Religion, by REM. On Virgin Radio through iTunes.

Five songs I listen to a lot, or that mean a lot to me:

1. “It’s not too beautiful” by The Beta Band
2. “The queen and the Soldier” by Suzanne Vega
3. “Everybody knows” by Leonard Cohen
4. “Depende” by Jarabe de Palo
5. “Into my arms” by Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds

Five people to whom I’m passing the baton:

1. Kitta
2. hector
3. Taylor
4. Sosa
5. Liz

— sergio at 09:17 AM     Comments (7)

It is no secret that I retain a deeply entrenched, nigh-sadomasochistic streak for language and its praxis.

Language rocks. Language melts. Depending on the situation, it can make or break a person. It can heighten someone to oft-heard of but seldom seen dizzying cusps of joyful abandon, or hurl that same person into the unfathomable depths of frantic self-loathing.

Overall, language is just plain fun.

Which is why the discrepancies among separate embodiments of human communication strike me so. Namely: I believe native English speakers are sentimentally impaired by their tongue.

By this I mean no disrespect on anyone’s cunnilingual ability (bet you thought I would skip the cheap shot, huh?). No, I’m referring to the different gradations of love according to language.

Much has been said about the influence of language on our thought process by a lot of people better prepared than I am. Chomsky, that guy who was obsessed with eskimos, the LSA and even my own discussions of slang and language related fiction are just some of the many, many boring sources I could point to regarding this subject. But I won’t.

I will just refer to one overbearing example: Love.

I know what you’re thinking: Sergio has finally gone off the deep end, the dude’s going to launch into another diatribe about how wonderful his girlfriend is, God, not again!. And yes, my girlfriend is freaking wonderful, thanksformentioning it, but that’s not what I’m going to talk about. I want to discuss the idea itself, its manifestation in language, and its levels in particular.

In Spanish, we have two basic levels of the same emotion: Querer and Amar. The first one, “Te quiero”, conveys a strong feeling of affection for a person. It’s ok to say it to your couple within an acceptable timeframe in a serious relationship (you don’t just rush into it), it’s rarely ok to say it to friends (unless you’re piss-drunk — then it’s quite alright), and it’s not as high as you can go.

Then there’s “Te amo”.

Which is, unquestionably, on a level of its own. This is the one you say to a girl when you look in her eyes and think to yourself that it would be fucking awesome to settle down, fill her full of babies and stay by her side until the stars don’t shine. You may “querer” a whole bunch of girls in your life, but you’ll only “amar” two or three, tops.

Now let’s move over to English… What do we have?

I love you.

That’s it. That’s the whole enchilada. You either do or do not. No middle point at all. When you get into a relationship you’re supposed to stave off the desire to proclaim your feelings until you can give this one a go. And then there’s nothing more.

I find that cruel.

— sergio at 05:04 PM     Comments (40)

I never got picked.

There. It’s out. I’ve said it. I was scrawny, wore thick, dark-rimmed glasses that made my eyes look like I was perpetually squinting, and had a terminal lack of hand-eye coordination that made me the next-to-last choice for teams (last one was Paco Mendez, but he had a lazy eye and drooled on himself, so he doesn’t count).

Which is why today I’m really proud to announce that I am part of the gang. I’m one of the cool kids, boys! As of today, Overcaffeinated is part of an emerging network with a lot of potential: The 9 Rules network, it’s called, and it’s led by my man Paul “Scrivs” Scrivens, of Whitespace (and former CSS Vault) fame.

I didn’t mention this before, but I met Scrivs at SxSW, and the man is an odd combination between a riot waiting to happen and the energizer bunny. He’s incredibly focused and a lot of fun to hang out with. I’m very confident that this will be a beneficial agreement, for all of us involved.

What can you expect from this move? Well, I’ll be trying to capitalize more on the aspects of the site that can help me pay rent, so you can expect more frequent writing, the usual lack of focus, and yes… The comic is making a comeback.

Top of the world, baby.

As for my old junior high colleagues:

How do you like them apples NOW, bitches?!!

— sergio at 09:54 AM     Comments (22)

So, where the fuck is Sergio?

He’s in Love. Don’t know if you’ve heard of the place. Love, you see, is this nifty little spot by the side of the road. As soon as you enter, your IQ drops to negative numbers and your creative output goes to hell. A botox-like Julia Roberts grin is permanently etched on your face, and you… go… down.

They serve pretty good Steak casserole, too.

So that’s where I’ve been. I’ve found myself in the very weird situation of having to rediscover the angry me, lest I never write again. I have sort of found it, so that’s cool.

Bite me.

Having a Significant other has brought forth all sorts of unexpected benefits. For once, my credit card debt seems less like a mighty Leviathan rising from depths unknown to engulf all of reality, and more like a gentle two-headed troll, who’ll go away if you just keep still and don’t make any sudden movements. That is to say: There is actual hope now that I will eventually be able to pay it, instead of leaving it as my (very dastardly) gift to future generations of Villarreal.

This is mostly due to these kind of exchanges:

Phone: Riiiing! Riiiiing!!
Gf: Hello?
Me: Honey! I’ve been looking for you. I need you to do me a big favor…
Gf: Um… ok… What is it?
Me: I need you to convince me that spending over 600 dollars on a cellphone is a bad idea. (ed. note: yes, I do talk with hyperlinks in real life)
Gf: …
Gf: That’s a fucking horrible idea…
Me: But it’s got like, really super cool real camera innards! And this guy’s been, like, traveling the US snapping pictures with it! Wait until you see it!
Gf: Sergio?
Me: Yeah?
Gf: You’re not getting that phone.
Me: But it has bluetooth and IR and fucking wireless mojo kung fu TO THE MAX!! I’m pretty sure with a few shell scripts I can get it to mow the lawn or something…
[…]

This goes on for a while every other day.

— sergio at 02:14 PM     Comments (19)